(Several Months later)

(Dr. now has very long straight hair and a goatee on his chin).

Dr: Alright, villainous goatee…(Checks D&D-esque character sheet of himself) that’s plus two to Intimidation rolls, aaaand girlishly long hair, with a plus three to Charisma towards teenage fangirls.

*Dr. takes a long look into a mirror and gives a long sigh. He summons Ertauq and sets him down*

Dr: Ertauq…what do you think of my hair?

*Ertauq gives a big smile and thumbs up*

*Dr thinks to himself for a second.*

Dr: Aw….screw it. *proceeds to cut his hair off to a shaggy length close to what he had originally* No offense Ertauq, but I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Mune: *enters room wearing a hard hat and carry a pad of paper* Boss! We’re finally done.

Dr: Wonderful.

(Begin Tour in a hallway with several doors)

Mune: As you know, the individual bedrooms, guest rooms, bathrooms, and storage rooms are all done and outfitted.

(to Computer Nerve Center)

Mune: Alright the Nerve Center is up and running. We haven’t found much use for it yet, seeing as our security network is so small, but Masa has already filled some of our servers with porn.

Dr: It’ll be useful if we start working on more technologically advanced schemes.

Mune: Oh, and we finally got that personalized Operating System you wanted. It was REALLY expensive, though.

Dr: It was worth every penny. You can never be too careful with security, and the best defense is a system that a ‘computer wizard’ doesn’t even know how to use.

(To Dr’s study)

Mune: Your study is complete, the bookshelves came in two days ago. All we need is actual books.

Dr: But I have books…

Mune: *Sarcasm* Manga?

Dr: Shut-up. You read them, therefore they are books.

(To a lounge area with seats, couches, a TV etc.)

Mune: The henchmen lounge hasn’t changed much over the past few months, but the DDR station was a great idea.

Dr: Yeah how do you demons even play that?

Mune: We’re Japanese.

Dr: Ah…right.

(To the Dining Room)

Mune: and the Dining Room.

Dr: Nice

Mune: Most of the candles and utensils aren’t in yet, but they shouldn’t be too much once the cash starts flowing.

Dr: *looks up* Why is the chandelier all twisted?

(frame to chandelier)

Dr: And on fire?

(back)

Mune: I got a little trigger-happy with the welding torch.

Dr: Shouldn't we put it out?

Mune: I don't think we really need to. It's kind of high up and you had the wonderful idea of fireproofing most of the lair.

Dr: Yeah. Hey, would it be pointless to ask you to stop setting things on fire inside the lair?

Mune: yes it would.

Dr: Ok

(To Kitchen)

Mune: The kitchen is completed and stocked and all of the appliances were tested and work fine.

(to Utilities closet)

Mune: Both the gas and water have been pirated from Taco Juans and things are running smoothly

(Pantry)

Mune: Now, the pantry is fully stocked, and we took the liberty of making it into a bomb shelter for the rare occasion Tokyo gets leveled. In the back is the torture chamber and prison. I do wonder why you didn’t purchase very much equipment for it, though.

Dr: to save money. Really if we need to torture someone, we can probably just experiment with common items. We’ll learn as we go.

Mune: So, why put it in the back of the pantry?

Dr: Because it’s an improbable place to look. Most people would assume it’s in a basement or there would be some easy identifiers for it like dark stone walls, eerie music, blood trails in the carpet…or a door marked “Torture”. Here, we can hide our victims. Also, the bomb shelter will protect them in case we need them alive, and the shelter also doubles as sound-proofing it so people can’t hear the screams. The entrance to the room is a heavy locked door, but if, for some reason someone escapes and gets past the door, the pantry door is even more secure and can be locked from the outside. Also, it being a bomb shelter and a pantry is a reasonably viable reason for it to be locked. So anyone that might be searching for the prison might not be too intrigued. Lastly, it’s not near the rooms, and any possible escapee’s would be bottle-necked by the pantry and the kitchen itself.

Mune: That…is actually well thought out.

Dr: thanks

(to Foyer)

Mune: Now the Foyer’s Blood Fountain is hooked up to water until we get a steady supply of blood.

Dr: Oh God no, you never use real blood, the smell is absolutely terrible. We’ll keep the water for the time being, and use fake blood for special occasions.

(to workshop)

Mune: The workshop is completely empty. That wouldn’t be the case if you got off of your ass and did something.

Dr: We got a few other things to do before we try to rule the world. Besides, don’t tell me what to do, or I won’t get you that gasoline you’ve been wanting for your birthday.

Mune: Deal.

(scene to the main hall of the lair)

Mune: Now, we have everything set up in the hall. Everthing in here is movable so we can rearrange it if we need to. The one thing we don’t have is your throne. (In place of the throne is a folding chair)

Dr: Why?

Mune: The cost went up from the initial bid, and it was either that, or we wouldn’t be able to afford the Pocky.

Dr: Got to have that.

Mune: That’s what we thought. Oh, and we finally finished putting in the hidden sculptures and architecture an hour ago.

Dr: The wha?

Mune: You know the spike pit, the guillotine, the giant boulder rolling down the long narrow hallway. That stuff.

Dr: You mean the traps.

Mune: Traps….OHHHHHHHH…That makes a lot more sense…and is easier to say. So, we DON’T want people to know where they are?

Dr: Yes, that’s the whole point of TRAPS.

Mune: Right *off screen* HEY! UD! TAKE THE SIGN DOWN!!

*we see Ud putting up a sign like what you see in malls and amusement parks showing the layout with a big X “You are Here”*

Ud: Why?

Mune: Just do it!

Ud: Alright

Mune: *looks back at Dr* Traps it is!

Dr: Good, any other troubles I need to know about?

Mune: *Checks her pad* A few. Our Bottomless Pit of Death needs a bit of work. *motions towards the pit*

Dr: Not quite endless is it?

Mune: We hit solid rock a few feet down. The drill we need to dig further is quite expensive, and will take several months to get here.

Dr: So it’s more of a Shallow Pit of Annoyance then?

Mune: *Writes down* Sounds great. I’ll update the brochures.

Dr: Brochures? Mune, do you, in any way, understand the concept of a SECRET lair?

Mune: Somewhat. So to be sure, you DON’T want any maps, layouts, brochures, tours, advertisements, or the big neon sign out front?

(Single frame to outside and a neon sign reading “Secret Lair” pointing to the cellar entrance)

Dr: NO!

Mune: Well, I wish you could have told us that from the beginning, otherwise we could have afforded to fix a few of these defects.

Dr: Well deal with it, all of our money is gone.

Mune: Why don’t we just steal from those other villains again?

Dr: Because it’s impolite now that we have a working base, and-

Ud: and every evil syndicate in this town has a "kill-on-sight" order out for all of you.

Dr: That too.

Ud: Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but the camouflage covers for the traps just came in. The order got screwed up or something so all we got is “Forest Foliage” instead of “Sinister Tile”.

Dr: Dammit.

Ud: Sorry

Dr: *sigh* It’s fine, just add it to the list of crap that needs fixed.

Ud: Alright, and what about him? (Ud motions to Homeless Phil sitting in his box located at the center of the Shallow Pit of Annoyance)

Dr: Aww c’mon!

(Masa shows up)

Masa: We tried kicking him out a couple of times, but he keeps getting back in.

Dr: Let me try something. *to Homeless Phil* Hey, homeless guy!

Ud: His name is Phil.

Dr: Hey! Homeless Phil! I’ve got a proposition for you.

Phil: Mehr?

Dr: I’ll let you stay there. But you have to leave us alone and stop asking us for change.

(Phil ponders for a second)

Phil: *salutes* Ay-ay Captain Codfish!

Dr: What?

Masa: We may or may not have thrown him out on his head…aaaand now he thinks he’s a pirate.

Dr:  Well…try not to do it again. He might come in handy. Anyways, Ud, what would be a good course of action to get some renown and respect around here?

Ud: You probably need to establish a rivalry. The public goes nuts for that stuff and you can get a little money off of merchandizing.  However, you got to make sure you’re fairly evenly matched. No one likes one-sided face-offs, and there is the possibility of your opponent being all too happy to kill you.

Dr: REALLY?! Heroes are really big douches around here.

Ud: Now you see why I picked this side?

Dr: So, do you know anyone around whom I could fight?

Ud: Not really, it’s usually very hard to find a rival in the Tokyo area.

Dr: So I’m screwed?

Masa: Not necessarily, what about that ‘Hiro’ kid that broke the bathroom door a couple of months ago?

Dr: Oh yeah, and I’ve periodically gotten threatening letters from him. So I doubt he’s fighting anyone else at the moment.

Mune: Letters?

Dr: Yeah. His prose is terrible, but he seems to be set on ‘defeating’ me not ‘killing’. So I’m safe.

Ud: Sounds like your best bet.

Dr: Masa, Mune, go find Hiro Justice.

Masa: and what?

Dr: *serious* Invite him to dinner.